a journal that speaks my thoughts than my life

i guess i have to start everything from the very beginning of my life.

another unusual tiring day. was an afternoon shift yet i don have any mood to work.. caught myself dumb in front of the wagons. anyway, fifi quit today and i think lyn don't wish to work anymore, or rather i can say lyn is quite stressful when she made a big fuss after she reached for afternoon shift. well, sooner we will quit too at june. i can see how shortage of staffs scotts have. wad a big change when "spectacle" held a small meeting with the heads. partimers do not have to buy lunch or dinner anymore, weird. new policy. mm, other than that im trying to salvage that present px gave it to me today. mm, its simple and nice, thanks =)  yea. a present that is able to see but not able to use for the time being. =x

wore the ring at the center means to save money, don get the wrong meaning, keat..

so i guess my buddy did not forget me on my birthday. one message came in and caught me awake.. suddenly i felt like hopping on someone's blog, and so i do. its a nice feeling. well, so jessica uploaded alot of photos on basket and the day we went out, i mean yesterday. 

a few Quotes from her blog
(
 It was SL's birthday yesterday and we celebrate that special day with him. We treat him to a sing at topone and i bought him BnJ ice cream. We had a great sing yesterday! Ha!!!! We watch ironman together, the movie is damn good but BF was sleeping -_-" 

Miss ghost and the 2 boys had a great time in KTV, we sang alot of songs and laugh alot too. Fantastic, hope SL feels the same too (: Happy Birthday!
I promise myself to buy u a slice of cake today cuz i dint manage to get u one yesterday so it shall be a belated birthday cake. 1 slice~
)

Smile, so ya, this was how i celebrated my birthday yesterday. nothing much but it was really fantastic. =) Thanks for every little thing! 
2nd time at topone ktv and i shall say topone ktv is much better than others. this is how we feel, and we agreed. so, we shall thanks to xuehui's recommendation. Blog to blog, we advertise for topone. iron man2 introduced after the movie ended, so we didnt really know until we blurry sat in the cathay's cinema together with the crowd. cartel for dinner and we went back with a bloated stomach at 12.

never get to eat a real round cake during my birthday in my life, but this 2 small slice will do just to make up for it cuz jer also got me another. Once again, thanks..

oh, another thing that makes me smile was basket.. she uploaded alot of photos on him, just for me to grab it anytime anyday. and i guess i shall post all it to make myself proud..
Handsome basket..

Playful basket..

Chill basket!! you have not reach that age! =D

slacking basket..

*grabbed photos.

now, i'm listening to FM while having deep thoughts for the past 10 years i have led. so what's the use of having a life when you yourself have not live to the fullest? i realised that i have been making empty promises all this while, and did not make a difference in myself, not even to say for others. So when's the day i will be able to save up a sum of money and give a stable financial for myself? So what's the use of scoring all A1s in the first year of secondary school, and get top 10 in whole level, when you ended up going to polytechnic infocomm course? So what's the use of getting GPA 3.9 in the first semaster of poly when you ended up getting as low as a 3 now. people in my surroundings always have a very high expectations on me, whether its regarding my studies or my work or my characters. But now i think i have let everybody down. Seriously james, when are you able to make a success in your life? you are about to turn from a digit 1 to a 2 now in a minutes time, so what's really your life gonna be? in my life, i owe quite alot of people's favour and i guess its hard to return them soon with this kind of state im in. So many thanks i have to say, so many gratitude i have to express, yet i know its hard unless i make a difference. laziness is all i can say in this 10years. IF let say i have not stop excelling during my secondary school life, probably i have totally changed and everything will be different.

Good night james, you have turned 20 now, are you going to change to be better?

i do, and this is my wish. i promise to keep all my promises.

mm, after my swim today, i went to gym. as usual, gym at 2 is pretty quiet and that's the best time for me to train. so, after some shoulder pressing, there's this guy approached and talked to me, he told me that im quite suitable to be a boxer. a boxer? oh well, i was rather curious at first, and thus, i asked why. And he replied, erm that's because of your height. oh! so was that suppose to be compliment? well, later he added on saying, oh, and i could see no other fats from your body. ahuh, that probably sound better and im not big in size. well, this guy called koon san, whom i got to know out of nowhere, was actually under training with his master in the same gym. after much chatting, he showed me some moves and he was rather swift. amazed and he taught me some to protect myself.. so my off day signs off here..

will i wake up to find you by my side? im sorry and i have to work. it will be a busy month for me that i got no time for you. next month i promise to bring you back. but im sure you are definitely happily playing over at jess' house now, and so ya. i miss you.. 

playful basket.

ok, this is the whole scenario alright. i got no choice and i guess i have to write it here. whether you are here to see my post or not, i just wanna make myself clear and hope everything will be alright.

the dot (.) in your tags is me, and so, i gotta know that you were keen on getting the tote bag. and just that coincidence, my cousin is working under precious tots. thus, im able to help you to get a discount. exclusive in 40% off for only warehouse staffs. and so i asked, in ur tags, to confirm if you really want it.. firstly, i actually intend to msg you, yet, i wont know if the stocks still available? i don wan to give you a hope and vanish it if my cousin told me its out of stocks. therefore i never msg you about it. until i realised that you have been spending much with other stuffs, and i knew you have problem with cash flowing within your family. its 16plus only and its true. and so, it doesnt cost much, and since you are goinna broke, why dont i just pay for it first? 

yes, its true im still holding on to you at that time, but i already knew i should retreat as i already feel sth wrong out there. i dono why and wads wrong. was just hoping it might be sth last i could ever do before i get into army. it really cost nothing much therefore i don intend to let you know. And if i knew you have already bought it, i wont even blame anyone, neither will i ever create any attention to you. it can be sth meaning by placing it over there but even friends also know, if i can ever ever help true friend, i do and i will. in my heart, i do treat you as someone i like and someone whom i feel is one of my true friend.. just like janet and jeremy? if you are not, den why will i ever share so much things with ya? so ya, i was hoping it can be a gift. nothing much. 

and i hope you will be ok with it.
you can dislike me for being so discrete, but at that point of time, im still holding on to you. probably it will be ok when time passes.
im sorry if i caused any trouble to you. tc.

为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说
最美的是你的名字

and so, this was the song which has been recalling in my mind after we got out from TopOne Ktv, the one and only in bugis. it has better atmosphere compared to other ktvs. how do i put it. it able to create smoke effect, soft lights, or even discotheques light. 20dollar per pax with free flow of drinks, plus an upper stage for singer to head up and sing out their beautiful voice. isnt it worthwhile? well, each and every level has a different theme, and weekdays should be charged cheaper. james, you can give it a try next time when u wanna K- 

i spent like hell today.

in 3months time i will be leaving singapore, to an island. o well, i shall make full use of this remaining days to enjoy myself other than work. 
-survive for the fittest.

just happen to drop by someone's blog and i guess its time to correct myself. soothe feeling i guess. i do smile. gotta know how to think and know what to pursue in life..
-以前我也是半工半读，早已习惯一个人生活

To Janet Lee Ee Mei, i promise to be present on your wedding ceremony.
To Chongyong and Raymond, once brother, forever we are.
To Basket, though i may be fierce to you, in my heart i do love you.
To Jeremy, thanks alot for everything?
To Fifi, don't give up so easily, guys do need cares and concern, and time.
To Julie, please keep it as a secret till whenever it is. 
To all friends, do stay happy always.

signing off with an all-time favourite song. A1

"Everytime"

[MARK:] LATELY I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE
SOMEONE'S COME AND TAKEN ME
WHERE I DON'T WANNA GO
IF I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE TO DO
IN ORDER TO BE THERE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU WERE FEELING LOW

[BEN:] AND ALL THE THINGS WE EVER WANTED
WERE ONCE YOURS AND MINE
NOW, I KNOW WE CAN REVIVE IT
ALL THE LOVE WE LEFT

[PAUL:] EVERYTIME I KISS I FEEL YOUR LIPS AND
EVERYTIME I CRY I SEE YOUR SMILE AND
EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES I REALISE THAT
EVERYTIME I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE
THE SWEETEST THING MY HEART COULD EVER FIND
AND I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY
SINCE THE DAY I GAVE YOUR LOVE AWAY

[CHRISTIAN:] SAVE ME, I'VE FALLEN FROM MY DESTINY
YOU AND I WERE MEANT TO BE
I'VE THROWN IT ALL AWAY
NOW YOU'RE GONE
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO CARRY ON
BUT BABY I JUST CAN'T GO ON
WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE

[BEN:] AND ALL THE THINGS WE EVER WANTED
WERE ONCE YOURS AND MINE
NOW, I KNOW WE CAN REVIVE IT
ALL THE LOVE WE LEFT

[PAUL:] EVERYTIME I KISS I FEEL YOUR LIPS AND
EVERYTIME I CRY I SEE YOUR SMILE AND
EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES I REALISE THAT
EVERYTIME I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE
THE SWEETEST THING MY HEART COULD EVER FIND
AND I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY
SINCE THE DAY I GAVE YOUR LOVE AWAY

[BEN:] WE CAN SURVIVE IT
ALL THE PAIN WE FEEL INSIDE
YOU RELIED ON ME AND NOW I'VE LET YOU DOWN
NOW, I PROMISE YOU FOREVER
I WILL BE THE BEST I CAN
NOW, I KNOW WE CAN REVIVE IT
ALL THE LOVE WE LEFT

[PAUL:] EVERYTIME I KISS I FEEL YOUR LIPS AND
EVERYTIME I CRY I SEE YOUR SMILE AND
EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES I REALISE THAT
EVERYTIME I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE
THE SWEETEST THING MY HEART COULD EVER FIND
AND I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY
SINCE I GAVE YOUR LOVE AWAY

EVERYTIME I KISS I FEEL YOUR LIPS AND
EVERYTIME I CRY I SEE YOUR SMILE AND
EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES I REALISE THAT
EVERYTIME I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE
THE SWEETEST THING MY HEART COULD EVER FIND
AND I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY
SINCE THE DAY I GAVE YOUR LOVE AWAY

tired.

1. finally the project was completed.
went down to northpoint trying to find a nice place for lunch after my trip from sembawang airbase. Yet we ended up at cafe cartel eating their signature dish, st louis pork ribs. do eat while you count its ribs.. a total of 15 ribs u can find if you are lucky enough. its amazing large quantity makes my lecturer and his wife shared a plate. well, cafe cartel does serve quality and quantity food and if ever anyone wish to get their butts on its seat from day to night, its kind of a wise choice.. well, not bad. got ourselves a McAfee antivirus and a norton ghost software for free just for the completion of this project. =x but i knew mine website can be done far more better. its a little regret yet i know its a little too late. still hoping to get a recommended letter from the company as soon as possible.

2. 2 1 1
sitting on e cold bench, and i was exploring laptop. i know for sure its time to throw away mine as soon as after my army. 3GB Ram with 2.2 processor and business version which cost 1.6k is definitely cheapest of all in 2008. well, it will be much better if i could have the chance to test out the password on the spot. 2 1 1. lol

2. shopping?
back down to taka and i got something for myself..

Bird nest
Royce chocolate marshmallows
Royce milk and white chocolate
and some grams of Bagua

this is the power of having vouchers, and the power of satisfying myself.. got out of taka and it got this youth concert. well i saw kelly poon in person and i realise she wasnt any big size with heights.. my impression of her changed, those images of her in tv makes me think she's someone with good height, image can be deceived in tv. but her voice is definitely same and unique when she sang live just now.  so, i realise wads the real meaning of pretty nice and even tanned-skin after she whizzed past me with her friend..

3. Hong Kong style ginkonut beancurd soup
its the 3rd consecutive days i have been eating this after raymond recommended me the dessert shop in eastpoint. well, tmr will be one more swimming session before i get to work in the afternoon.. if the sun does shine..

1. BTT
a "genius" me did not go for the e-trial test and studied at the eleventh hour yester night. Yet i could see a "passed" in the computer screen. Delighted and i headed back home. And a stupid me forgotten to book my FTT before i head home. 
Surprisingly, i saw 4 familiar faces after i took my BTT today. Coincidentally, charlene, vanessa and one of the gal whom i forgotten her name were there for their final practical test. Argh, charlene was there to mock at me.. basket. well, good luck. i bet you gals must have finished the test already. then, saw FL from afar but i think she never see me. Well, all were my classmates in sec4.

2. My tooth is out.
now, half of my face was numb. i guess i was cheated by the dentist. forked out 175 for an extraction of tooth, if i ever told doreen, sorjit or my mom, they will definitely say im stupid! im quite. well, something true, my family actually don even know im going for the extraction at all, probably neither of them knew i once had a toothache. noted that it almost took 4hours for the anaesthetic to go off.
i promised myself to take good care of my body from now on. and i think i have to go for savings every now and then.. my gum hurts as its aftermath.

3. Company.
well, 9 to be in school for tmr and then head down to HSC again, probably for its last time. my 3-days off just past so easily.

4. Enlistment.
i got my enlistment letter. date in will be 10th July, 8.30am. i will have to prepare myself and quit RL earlier 2weeks. by then i guess i will not be able to book out for at least 3 weeks of confinement. 9weeks of BMT training.

 my toothache hurts.. suddenly.. arghhhhhhhhhh

i shall get rid of it one day. when i got the money to extract it out.. 

panadol panadol panadol...  headache

and i guess i got myself a scratch on my hand suddenly again... arghhhhhhhhhhh

stupid me.

 for you i shall sleep in the living room tonight, you better be my good basket in future!! good nights.. turning in straight now!! 

1. i haven book my e-trial for my driving theory test.
2. i haven look through my graduation letter and find out what's "beneath it"
3. i haven study for my driving theory test.
4. but im broke..

Looking after basket is not an easy job.. now i got to know wads the real meaning of responsibility.. i don bear to leave him alone for 7hours++ but i gotta work. and i bet he must be barking all its way for me.. or rather he might be barking and moaning so that someone will actually let him out of the cage.. poor basket.. i have sleepless night just to put him to good sleep yesterday.. and i got myself stomachache at around 6plus in the early morning.. woke up at 10 and i cleaned all his stuffs.. mopped the floor and kept all clothes to the respective place. washed all plates and bowls, and fed him at a specific timing.. etc. i guess i started having good habits though im real tired.

and also, i told myself that i must look good, not handsome, so that i will have more confident in some of my personal stuffs.. to look good so that i can gain relaxation and not stress.. to look good so that i will look at e brighter side of my life..

today i was in the afternoon shift again and thus i went out to eat with doreen at lucky. AGAIN, she will definitely not forget to say how's px in the whole loads of our conversations.. roughly when we were on our way back, i heard someone calling "Quah JI Lun". hey, was wondering if my name is so unique that this fren of mine could still remember since after we had totally lost contact with each other when we were primary 5? primary 5..that was like 9years ago..

*hope my bro is fine..
*no matter what happen, there's still true and eternity love..

was just hoping that everything will be ok.. i finally able to clear some space for him.. and i finally get down to have some rest.. nothing much but i can hear him calling for me from the living room.. its rather cruel to confine him.. but i have to do it.. 

needs pple to be there..
*hopes with stress.

well, finally, i got a dog of my own. calling it basket and its kinda cute in its way.. went down to each and every farm and i actually cant find the breed that i really want. he caught into my eyes once i saw him. i got pics of it, though it is still not here with me now.. 

i got this heavy feelings now, though i got this dog of my own. i wonder why. is it because he paid everything for it and its kinda ex? i will still pay for it.. or is it im worrying i cant take good care of this cute little dog.. he seems so weak in the sense when i touched him.. or was it sth else? i dono.. kinda mixed feelings now.. sad and happy.. this is wad im feeling now..
*troubled.

oh ya, i cut my hair today. the one that i recognised 2-3years ago.. but they say it seems like never cut..

today i guess i was going too much when i started throwing questions in my msgs, msgs that contain meanings.. looking back at those, i found myself so harsh.. i don even know why.. but i don mean to.. a sorry i should say.

at others,
sometimes it would be much better if things can be controlled at a specific point of time, avoiding is the best solution i will see.. 
i realised sth and i shall shut myself from the outside world regardless.

so when i reached my door step today, i saw the door and the windows were totally shut. have a glimpse at  the windows and it was pitch dark from inside.. and so i guess no one was at home again.. i opened the door and i went in.. just that sudden, my mom went "BOOOO!!" from behind the door.. i was totally frightened by her.. basket! she gotcha me! well, its so cute though.. and its even cuter to see her dance when i on my music just now.. i never knew my mom can be so crazy with her son!! she got my day well... 

was about to go to bed and i got a call now.. its my beloved janet.. she's been with me since the last 2 years and because i got my ex, she left me far away.. and now she's back! well, i knew i will talk to her about anything and everything.. she seems to be my blood sis when i was just a year old in polo though we werent in real.. in the past, no one actually knows how close we were, not even my ex i suppose.. Mm, its not too late for her to come and console me now.. well, i guess i wont sleep that soon again..

real multi-tasking i am now.. 4 things is processing in my brain.. its the first time..

*hoping i will be able to wake up to go gym tmr.. if not will just an hour swimming before i go to work again..

im missing you right now.